Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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