I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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