We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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