Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
