I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
