I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
