She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
