I want to stick my p in your. b.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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