Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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