dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's always time for handjobs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
