You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
