my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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