mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
