Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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