i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
