This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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