Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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