I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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