seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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