i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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