Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked a lego.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
