i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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