i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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