another moral hangover. fuck.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
