I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize