i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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