you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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