I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
