All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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