I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
