i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
