like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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