She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
