Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
