my sisters under your porch take her home
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
