census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
