sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
