I am spending my child support on dildos
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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