honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
