she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
