1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
