I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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