like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
