Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
