Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
