i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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