I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
