Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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