what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So squirting runs in the family.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Randomize
