Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
