Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
