I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
