I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
