I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
