There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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