hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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