You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
