if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
