We won't sleep together?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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