Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
