I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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