I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
