Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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