I feel like I'm in dance class right now
barbara walters just said penis...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
